Short blog series (part89) Emotional intelligence

Manyanshi Joshi
1 day ago
5 min read

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and effectively use emotions — both your own and those of others.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman popularized the concept in his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence, arguing that EI can matter as much as IQ in personal and professional success.

The 5 Core Components of Emotional Intelligence

1. Self-Awareness

Understanding your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior.

Recognizing triggers
Knowing strengths and weaknesses
Having self-confidence grounded in reality

2. Self-Regulation

Managing or controlling impulsive feelings and behaviors.

Staying calm under pressure
Thinking before reacting
Being adaptable to change

3. Motivation

Using emotions to stay focused on goals.

Internal drive
Resilience after setbacks
Commitment to growth

4. Empathy

Understanding the emotions of others.

Active listening
Sensitivity to others’ perspectives
Compassion

5. Social Skills

Building and maintaining healthy relationships.

Clear communication
Conflict resolution
Teamwork and collaboration

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

Improves leadership and teamwork
Strengthens relationships
Enhances decision-making
Reduces stress and conflict
Increases career success

Research in psychology and workplace performance consistently shows that individuals with high EI tend to perform better in roles requiring collaboration and leadership.

Simple Example

Imagine receiving harsh criticism at work:

Low EI response: React defensively or emotionally.
High EI response: Pause, assess your feelings, understand the feedback objectively, and respond constructively.

Improving emotional intelligence (EI) is about building awareness, control, and connection — consistently. According to Daniel Goleman, EI can be developed with deliberate practice.

Here’s a practical, step-by-step guide:

1️⃣ Build Self-Awareness (Understand Your Emotions)

Why it matters: You can’t manage what you don’t recognize.

Practical exercises:

Emotion check-ins (3x daily):Ask: What am I feeling? Why? Where do I feel it in my body?
Name emotions precisely: Instead of “bad,” say frustrated, anxious, disappointed, overwhelmed.
Keep a trigger journal: Write down moments when you felt strong emotions and what caused them.

2️⃣ Improve Self-Regulation (Control Reactions)

Goal: Respond instead of react.

Techniques:

The 6-second pause rule Emotions surge fast. Pause before replying.
Box breathing: Inhale 4 seconds → hold 4 → exhale 4 → hold 4.
Delay difficult conversations if you’re emotionally flooded.
Replace impulsive thoughts: “This is unfair” → “What can I control here?”

3️⃣ Strengthen Empathy (Understand Others)

Empathy is one of the most powerful EI skills.

How to practice:

Listen without preparing your response.
Ask: “How might they be feeling right now?”
Reflect back what you heard: “It sounds like you felt overlooked.”

Avoid jumping to solutions too quickly.

4️⃣ Improve Social Skills (Relationship Mastery)

Daily habits:

Maintain eye contact
Use people’s names
Offer specific appreciation
Give constructive feedback using: Situation → Behavior → Impact

Example: “In yesterday’s meeting (situation), you interrupted twice (behavior), which made it hard for others to contribute (impact).”

5️⃣ Increase Emotional Resilience

Reframe setbacks as learning opportunities
Practice gratitude (write 3 things daily)
Separate identity from performance (“I failed” ≠ “I am a failure”)

6️⃣ Ask for Feedback

Ask trusted people:

“How do I respond under stress?”
“Do I seem defensive?”
“What’s one emotional habit I should improve?”

Growth requires awareness you can’t always see yourself.

A Simple 30-Day Plan

Week 1: Daily emotion journaling Week 2: Practice pausing before reacting Week 3: Focus on empathy in conversations Week 4: Ask for feedback + reflect

The Key Insight

Emotional intelligence grows through micro-moments:

How you respond to criticism
How you handle disagreement
How you treat people when stressed

Small improvements compound.

Improving emotional intelligence in workplace leadership is one of the highest-ROI skills you can develop. Research popularized by Daniel Goleman shows that leadership effectiveness is strongly tied to EI — often more than technical skill.

Here’s a practical leadership-focused guide:

1️⃣ Lead Yourself First (Self-Awareness Under Pressure)

Great leaders manage their own emotional climate before influencing others.

Practice:

Pre-meeting emotional check: “What mood am I bringing into this room?”
Identify your stress signals (short tone, impatience, rushing decisions).
Ask for honest feedback: “How do I come across when deadlines are tight?”

Why it matters: Your team mirrors your emotional state.

2️⃣ Master Emotional Regulation During Conflict

Leadership = visible pressure.

Tools:

Pause before responding to criticism.
Lower your voice instead of raising it.
Replace blame with curiosity:
- ❌ “Why did you mess this up?”
- ✅ “Help me understand what happened.”

Calm leaders create psychological safety.

3️⃣ Build Psychological Safety

Teams perform best when people feel safe to speak up.

Behaviors that build safety:

Admit mistakes publicly.
Reward dissenting opinions.
Separate idea critique from personal critique.
Thank people for raising concerns.

Example: “I disagree with the proposal, but I appreciate you challenging the plan.”

4️⃣ Practice High-Empathy Communication

Empathy doesn’t mean lowering standards — it means understanding context.

In 1:1s:

Ask: “What’s been most stressful lately?”
Listen without interrupting.
Reflect back feelings: “It sounds like you’re feeling stretched.”

Employees who feel understood are more engaged and loyal.

5️⃣ Give Emotionally Intelligent Feedback

Use the SBI model (Situation–Behavior–Impact):

“In yesterday’s client call (Situation), you interrupted twice (Behavior), which made the client hesitant to continue (Impact).”

Then ask: “What do you think?”

This reduces defensiveness and increases ownership.

6️⃣ Increase Motivational Intelligence

Emotionally intelligent leaders:

Connect tasks to purpose.
Recognize effort, not just outcomes.
Celebrate small wins publicly.

Motivation improves when people feel seen.

7️⃣ Regulate the Emotional Culture

Leaders are emotional thermostats, not thermometers.

Ask yourself:

Am I amplifying stress or absorbing it?
Am I reacting or stabilizing?
Does my presence increase clarity or tension?

Daily 5-Minute Leadership EI Routine

Morning: Set emotional intention.
Midday: Pause before one difficult response.
End of day: Reflect — “Where did I react vs. respond?”

Small habits compound into strong leadership presence.

Conclusion on Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is not just a “soft skill” — it is a foundational life skill. It shapes how we understand ourselves, relate to others, make decisions, and handle pressure.

As highlighted by Daniel Goleman in Emotional Intelligence, success in work and relationships depends not only on what we know (IQ), but on how we manage emotions — especially in challenging moments.

At its core, emotional intelligence means:

Being aware of your emotions
Managing your reactions
Understanding others’ feelings
Building strong, respectful relationships
Staying resilient under stress

The true power of emotional intelligence lies in everyday situations — how you respond to criticism, handle conflict, motivate others, and recover from setbacks.

Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be developed at any stage of life. With reflection, practice, and feedback, anyone can strengthen it.

Final Thought

Emotional intelligence is the difference between reacting and responding, between managing people and leading them, and between temporary success and lasting impact.

Thanks for reading!!!!