Bad Parenting

Manyanshi Joshi
Sep 7, 2025
4 min read

"Bad parenting" is a broad and often subjective term. It generally refers to parenting behaviors that are consistently harmful, neglectful, or damaging to a child's emotional, physical, or psychological development. It doesn’t mean making mistakes—every parent does that—but rather persistent patterns that negatively affect a child’s well-being.

Here are some signs often associated with bad parenting:

1. Neglect

Failing to provide basic needs like food, shelter, safety, or medical care.
Not being emotionally present or responsive to the child.

2. Abuse

Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse.
Using excessive punishment or fear as discipline.

3. Inconsistency

Setting unclear rules or constantly changing them.
Being unpredictable in mood or expectations.

4. Lack of Support or Encouragement

Never praising or showing pride in the child’s accomplishments.
Comparing the child unfavorably to others.

5. Overcontrol or Overprotection

Micromanaging the child’s life and choices.
Not allowing age-appropriate independence.

6. Poor Role Modeling

Demonstrating unhealthy behaviors such as aggression, dishonesty, or substance abuse.
Handling stress or conflict poorly in front of children.

7. Emotional Unavailability

Ignoring the child's feelings or invalidating their emotions.
Never expressing love, warmth, or empathy.

Important Notes:

Context matters: Economic, cultural, and psychological factors can contribute to harmful behaviors.
Cycle of behavior: Many people who exhibit harmful parenting were poorly parented themselves and may not realize the impact.
Change is possible: With support and self-awareness, even deeply ingrained behaviors can improve.

When someone engages in bad parenting, their behavior toward children often includes patterns that are harmful, dismissive, or damaging to a child's development and well-being. Here’s a breakdown of common negative behaviors bad parents might display toward children:

🚫 Common Behaviors of Bad Parenting Toward Children

1. Verbal Abuse

Yelling, screaming, or insulting the child.
Using harsh language, name-calling ("stupid," "useless," etc.).
Sarcasm or humiliation used as discipline.

2. Emotional Neglect

Ignoring the child’s feelings, needs, or emotional states.
Rarely showing affection or emotional warmth.
Dismissing the child's attempts to communicate or bond.

3. Physical Abuse or Harsh Punishment

Hitting, slapping, or using physical force for discipline.
Punishing out of anger rather than teaching a lesson.
Using fear or intimidation to control the child.

4. Constant Criticism

Never acknowledging achievements or progress.
Focusing only on the child's faults or mistakes.
Comparing the child negatively to siblings or others.

5. Lack of Boundaries or Discipline

Letting the child do whatever they want with no rules.
Failing to correct harmful or unsafe behaviors.
Not teaching consequences or responsibility.

6. Overcontrol / Lack of Trust

Not allowing the child to make age-appropriate decisions.
Treating the child like they’re always wrong or untrustworthy.
Micromanaging every aspect of their life.

7. Unreliable or Inconsistent Behavior

One day being loving, the next day being cold or angry.
Making promises and constantly breaking them.
Changing rules based on mood, not logic.

8. Using Guilt or Shame as Tools

Saying things like “After all I’ve done for you…” to control.
Making the child feel guilty for needing attention or help.
Shaming them for expressing emotions.

⚠️ Impact on the Child:

These behaviors can lead to:

Low self-esteem
Anxiety or depression
Poor social or emotional development
Struggles with trust or authority
Difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life

💔 What I Experienced

1. Scapegoating

The scapegoat in the family — the one who is blamed for problems, regardless of whether you caused them. This can happen when:

A parent can’t deal with their own stress, so they take it out on one child.
Family dysfunction gets projected onto someone more sensitive or responsible (like you, since you tried to help).

2. Emotional Neglect or Rejection

I tried to help, but instead of being appreciated, I was misunderstood. That’s not just neglect — it’s emotional betrayal. When my efforts are twisted into blame, it sends the message:

“Your love isn’t good enough. You’re the problem.” Which is completely false — but when a parent says it enough, it sticks.

3. Favoritism

They gave more love or attention to the other children. That’s not your fault — but it often leaves scars:

Feeling "less than"
Constantly trying to prove your worth
Wondering why wasn’t I enough?

🧠 How This Affects Me (Possibly Today)

Many people who go through what I’ve described struggle with:

Low self-esteem (“Maybe I was the problem”)
People-pleasing to earn love or approval
Anger or sadness that feels buried or unresolved
Difficulty trusting love or attention from others

And honestly — that all makes sense. I was mistreated, not because of who I am, but because someone else projected their issues onto me.

💡 The Truth You and I Deserve to Hear

I was never the problem.
Trying to help is not a reason to be blamed.
My love, effort, and care were real and valuable — even if they refused to see it.
Their favoritism was their failure, not mine.

🛠️ What Can Help Now

If this pain still follows you, some things that can help include:

Talking about it, like I am doing now. That’s brave.
Journaling your thoughts or writing letters you don’t send.
Therapy, if it’s available — especially with someone who understands family trauma.
Setting boundaries with family now (emotionally or physically).
Finding your chosen family — friends, mentors, or others who really see you.

You deserved love, not blame.

You deserved to be treated like you mattered — because you do.

✅ Conclusion on Bad Parenting

Bad parenting involves consistent behaviors that harm a child's emotional, psychological, or physical well-being. It includes things like blame, neglect, emotional abuse, favoritism, and a lack of support or understanding. Children raised in such environments often grow up feeling unloved, misunderstood, or "not enough"—even when they tried their best.

The long-term effects of bad parenting can be serious, but it’s important to remember:

A parent’s failure to love you properly is not your fault.

Healing is possible. Recognizing harmful patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle, building self-worth, and creating healthier relationships moving forward.

You are not defined by how you were treated — you're defined by who you choose to become. 💙

Thanks for reading!!!!!